My "TO DO" List:

1. Finish Home Study application
2. Get copies of birth certificates
3. Get copies of marriage license
4. Copy last year tax returns
5. Get 3 reference letters!!
6. Get medical evals for all 3 of us
7. Copy drivers licenses
8. Insurance cards
9. Criminal, child abuse and domestic violence background checks
10. Finish application and agreement forms for adoption agency
11. Finish "family profile" to send to agency

....and we haven't even started our home study yet...phew!

Continued Provisions!

As I was finishing up my last post, I got bombarded with more love!  A friend of mine messaged me on Facebook and told me that she wanted to help us raise money.  She is a Tastefully Simple consultant and offered to do a party for us with all the profits of that party going to our adoption fund!  God is good!  I am overwhelmed right now.  This is one of the reasons I've been doing this blog...the next time I get down and frustrated I need to read back on these posts so I can slap myself for being doubtful.

When I set up a date for the Tastefully Simple party I'll let you all know!

Ups and Downs...

Today was not such a good day for me in multiple respects.  Brayden had a bad night last night and was up quite a bit leaving me exhausted and with a migraine when I woke up.  As my head pounded, I called off of work and tried to get more sleep (which didn't work too well).  The rest of the day seemed to progress into more of the same.  It was about 100 degrees outside, Brayden was fussy due to lack of sleep and all he wanted to do was be outside (which we couldn't let him do because of the heat).  I was short-tempered from still not feeling well and my attitude was just going downhill thinking about all the things that need to be done.  It was one of those days where I was thinking, "What are you doing?  This adoption is too big for you.".  Thankfully God knows better than me.  And it's a good thing He knows how to encourage us when we need it most.  My day ended with a great act of generosity from a friend and local business owner who knows we are adopting.  As I walked back to my car (without having to pay my bill), I thought to myself, "God is good".  He knows our needs and  has perfect timing.  He always provides.

Our first meeting with the agency who will be doing our home study is scheduled for next Tuesday evening.  I have no idea what to expect...what I DO know is that it is when we'll be writing our first check :). When you start shelling out money it all starts to become a little more of a reality!  I'm definitely a little nervous of the unknown right now...but, it's all part of the journey.

Why so much?

So I know most of you who have never adopted are going, "What in the world makes adoption so expensive??" I decided I'd give you a little insight into where ALL this money goes! (for domestic adoption through an agency)
1. Application fee!
2. Medical expenses for the birth mother (if she doesn't have insurance), including the birth
3. Home Study Fee - varies between under a thousand to close to $2000 depending on the agency.  This is when a social worker comes into your home and "interviews" you as well as looks at your home to see if you are suitable parents and have a good home situation.  They look at everything from you finances to your home set-up  to your views on education and discipline.
4. Advertising fees to locate birth mom
5. Counseling and therapy for both birth mom and adoptive families
6. Continual phone support and coordination for the birth mom and adoptive families
7. Housing, utilities, clothing, food, etc... for the birth mom
8. Case manager for both birth mom and adoptive family to coordinate the adoption
9. Support of adoptive family in hospital and coordination with medical services
10. Relinquishment of parental rights
11.  Notification of birth father if needed (paternity search)
12. Coordination with adoptive family legal advisor
13.  Finger printing, criminal history check, child abuse check, etc...
14.  Post-placement evaluations (usually 2-4 of them)

This is list is not all inclusive...so as you can see, there's a lot to pay for! Each agency varies a little, but they all  have their pros and cons.  It just takes a lot of researching to find your fit!

We Are Commanded

Here we go!!

So I think we have finally agreed on an agency.  I need to just do it before I drive myself  to insanity.  I could sit on this computer and research agencies for the next 3 months straight and potentially have no more assurance than I do now...so we decided that we just need to take the next step forward and pray that we've made the right decision.  So here we go!!  Tonight I'm going to start on our adoptive profile, which is what the birth mothers look at to pick which family they want to give their baby to.  We have to put together a little "booklet" that talks about who we are, our backgrounds, our interests/hobbies, pictures...all in hopes that someone sees us and thinks we are the ones to raise their precious little one.

I can't even imagine what these birth moms go through!  I've learned to have such an admiration for them.  They could SO easily abort their baby, but instead choose to carry it, and then give it away for the sake of the child.  Could YOU do that just because it was a better choice for your child?  I don't know if I could.  I now see it as my responsibility as their baby grows, to give them updates and pictures to let them know their baby is OK.  I didn't used to feel like that...I wanted to be selfish.  But the Lord has brought people into my life to help me see otherwise.  And I honestly feel that way now.  Amazing how God changes you!

Now the true faith begins.  We're starting this without having all the funds yet, but we need to step out in faith and let God carry us!  We will continue to be diligent and do all we humanly can and let the Lord do the rest.

Back to frustration again

I feel like I've been reading forever.  I will tell you that picking an agency has driven me close to insanity.  I've been trying to do all my research and choose the agency that fits us best, but it's sure difficult when pretty much every agency out there has sparse reviews, and the reviews that do exist basically have nothing good to say about any of them!  How do you pick?  I've prayed and prayed...and still confused.  Then you begin to make things up like, "I think we met this person for a reason...", and "I thought the Lord was telling me this...".  

I'm pretty sure that one day I will look back on all of this and laugh at myself for being so nuts.  I sometimes laugh at myself NOW.  Really, how can I not? 

I Can't Sleep

It's 11:45pm and I have to wake up in 6 hours for work.  Why am  I up?  Good question...I can hardly keep my eyes open, yet I just can't get my mind to settle and it's driving me nuts.  Uh oh, and there goes my 1 1/2 year old making noises in his room.  (This could end up being a very long night and one extremely exhausted mommy in the morning.)  All I can keep thinking about is the decisions that I need to make that will impact us forever.  Are we using the right adoption agency?  Are we starting this at the right time?  How open do we allow this adoption to be?  The questions go on and on...yet somehow we still know we're supposed to do this.  Maybe I seem mellow-dramatic to some of you, sorry if you'd like to slap me right now and tell me to just make a decision and be done with it :).  But, deep down I know my decision affects a child...namely, it affects the children that still WON'T have a home....and THAT...that...is what kills me.

Fundraiser!!

We have been racking our brains trying to think of more ways to raise money for this adoption and realized, "use what you know best"!  With that in mind, Jon has decided to donate his time to mow lawns for any donated amount you may be willing to give!  For those of you who don't know us well, a little background on Jon is that he is in the golf course industry and, therefore, is very experienced in lawn care and pretty particular about his work :).  The only thing we ask is that you have your own equipment.  We currently rent our home so we do not have our own mower to use.  We would greatly appreciate you passing this on to anyone you know who may be wanting to help us.  Our email address in on the right side of the page so please contact us if you would like to assist.  You can also reach us through our facebook accounts.

Thank you for all your support!!!

Encouragement

Tonight was even one more confirmation that adoption is meant for us.  It was a great night of encouragement at the Forever Families meeting at church. Such a fantastic group of people with amazing stories and huge hearts.  I cried as I watch a short clip showing the realities of children with no home or living in orphanages.  I kept looking at Jon next to me and saw how his heart was breaking too (one reason he is such an amazing man!).

If only we could help them all....