AND ANYONE WHO WELCOMES A LITTLE CHILD LIKE THIS ON MY BEHALF IS WELCOMING ME. -MATTHEW 18:5-

Monday, March 5, 2012

The Autism Diagnosis

Here I go to finally talk about it. The diagnosis that every parent dreads.  I said it myself when I was pregnant.  I said, God, I can handle anything but autism.

Now here I sit...my exhausted little boy sleeping on daddy's lap on the couch.  Tonight he wouldn't go to sleep in his room.  Unusual for him, but nonetheless it could turn into a long night for us.  On nights like tonight it's always a long night.

There are so many circumstances that we think we will never find ourselves in.  We look from the outside at other people's lives and pray that we never have to go through what they are going through.  God has a pretty good sense of humor, doesn't He?  Difficult pregnancy, early birth, bad delivery, 3 weeks of NICU, and now autism.  And yet, I have the best little boy in the world.

Tonight we went through the screams of not wanting to get in his bed to sleep.  He was sensory overloaded from too many new things done in one day, and he just couldn't shut himself down.  He was exhausted, yet couldn't sleep.  When I finally brought him down from him room after an hour of trying to get him to bed and lots of screaming, I sat on the couch with him and he stopped crying, then turn around, looked me in the eyes and kissed me as if to say, "Thank you mommy for helping me".  Then he curled up on my lap.

Those moments are priceless, no matter how we got there.

God has a plan for my precious boy.  I can't wait to see what it is.

"Make friends with the problems in your life.  Though many things feel random and wrong, remember that I am sovereign over everything.  I can fit everything into a pattern for good, but only to the extent that you trust Me.  Every problem can teach you something, transforming you little by little into the masterpiece I created you to be.  The very same problem can become a stumbling block over which you fall, if you react with distrust and defiance.  The choice is up to you, and you will have to choose many times each day whether to trust Me or defy Me."

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Lessons

Life seems too big right now.  Bigger that I can handle...then I wake up and read my devotional for the day:

"I am above all things: your problems, your pain, and the swirling events in this ever-changing world.  When you behold My Face, you rise above the circumstances and rest with Me in heavenly realms.  This is the way of Peace, living in the Light of My Presence.  I guarantee that you will always have problems in life, but they must not become your focus.  When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say "Help me, Jesus" and I will draw you back to Me.  If you have to say that thousands of times daily, don't be discouraged.  I know your weakness, and I meet you in that very place." - Ephesians 2:6; Matthew 14: 28-32

- taken from "Jesus Calling", by Sarah Young

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Harder Than I Thought...

I definitely thought this would be easier.  So far, including our original failed private adoption, we are now up to 3 fails.  Just in the past week our profile was given to two different birth moms and they both picked other families.  I knew this would be hard, but I thought I would handle it better.  It just sure is a lousy feeling knowing that people look at you and reject you.  It's not a matter of patience right now...more of a feeling of inadequacy.  


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

And SOOOO it begins!

Tonight was the first time in a while that we finally got some news about the adoption!  I got an email from the agency saying that there is a birth mom that they are currently trying to match with a family.  They sent us her information and asked us if we would be interested in having our profile sent to her to look at.  OF COURSE WE WOULD! It's been a few months since we've been approved as an active waiting family and I pretty much assumed it would take quite some time before we would make it up to the top of the list.  As the agency said to us when we got approved, "This is the hard part.  You basically sit back and wait."

Scary AND exciting.  There is so much going on right now that I'm not quite sure I feel ready.  First off, we still have about $10,000 to come up with.  Yup, that's right...$10,000 more on top of what we already have raised.  Sheesh.  Really?  This stinks. Really, really stinks.

But it's worth it.

The second "I'm not quite sure I feel ready" reason is that we're still trying to figure out all that is going on with Brayden.  Tomorrow we go back to have our meeting to find out if they are going to diagnose Brayden with autism or not.  I honestly think they are going to say yes, but I honestly don't know if I fully agree right now.  I'm just going to wait to talk with them tomorrow and hear all they have to say before I start my judging.

Deep breaths.

Third "I'm not quite sure I feel ready" reason...I only started my new job less than 3 months ago.  How do you say, "I need time off for a new baby"? Ugh.

All this to say...this is only the first time our profile is being viewed.  There's a big possibility we won't get picked and then we are off to waiting all over again.  Then all of the above doesn't even matter :)

I have to remember that the Lord has a plan for our family.  So what should I do?  Relax....