Here I go to finally talk about it. The diagnosis that every parent dreads. I said it myself when I was pregnant. I said, God, I can handle anything but autism.
Now here I sit...my exhausted little boy sleeping on daddy's lap on the couch. Tonight he wouldn't go to sleep in his room. Unusual for him, but nonetheless it could turn into a long night for us. On nights like tonight it's always a long night.
There are so many circumstances that we think we will never find ourselves in. We look from the outside at other people's lives and pray that we never have to go through what they are going through. God has a pretty good sense of humor, doesn't He? Difficult pregnancy, early birth, bad delivery, 3 weeks of NICU, and now autism. And yet, I have the best little boy in the world.
Tonight we went through the screams of not wanting to get in his bed to sleep. He was sensory overloaded from too many new things done in one day, and he just couldn't shut himself down. He was exhausted, yet couldn't sleep. When I finally brought him down from him room after an hour of trying to get him to bed and lots of screaming, I sat on the couch with him and he stopped crying, then turn around, looked me in the eyes and kissed me as if to say, "Thank you mommy for helping me". Then he curled up on my lap.
Those moments are priceless, no matter how we got there.
God has a plan for my precious boy. I can't wait to see what it is.
"Make friends with the problems in your life. Though many things feel random and wrong, remember that I am sovereign over everything. I can fit everything into a pattern for good, but only to the extent that you trust Me. Every problem can teach you something, transforming you little by little into the masterpiece I created you to be. The very same problem can become a stumbling block over which you fall, if you react with distrust and defiance. The choice is up to you, and you will have to choose many times each day whether to trust Me or defy Me."
