2011

I've been missing for quite some time now.  Well, missing from this blog at least.  OK, so that doesn't really mean I've been missing.  That means I've been lazy.  Too lazy and tired to try and put my thoughts together.  I've thought about it about 20 times and then decided against it convincing myself that going to bed was a better use of my brain power.  The reason?  Quite simply, I started my new job.  I like it...really I do.  It's just been an adjustment in many ways.  One of them being my energy level.  The second being missing my family.  Right now I get to see Brayden about 1 1/2 to 2 hours MAX a day.  This honestly breaks my heart, but right now it's my duty to be where I am;  To be providing a way for Jon to finish school, pay our bills, and save money for our adoption.

It's been a tough year, although,  I feel like that is putting it lightly.  Some of it has been great, some not so great. What better time than now to re-cap, right?  I know you want me to....

* This year was the year we decided to officially step back into the adoption world after our failed attempt 3 years ago.  This past January we had no idea which direction we wanted to go in.  International?  Domestic?  Infant?  Older child?  Now, less than a year later our paperwork is complete and we are a "Waiting Family".  It's so amazing!!
* I decided to go back to work full-time to help with saving money for the adoption.
* We met an amazing group of people from our church through joining the Forever Families group, all of which have HUGE hearts for orphan care and adoption.  What a tremendous support system they have been for us.  We are BLESSED.
* Jon got layed off from work.  EEK...welcome stay-at-home daddy...so-long saving money for the adoption.
* Jon decided to go back to school..........again :)..........for the last time.  And so starts a long 2 years.
* We learned to simplify our lives: reduce cable TV, get cheap cell phones, stick with old cars, stop buying unneeded clothes, stop eating out, etc...
* Brayden started early intervention services.  It's been a year of advocating for my son after being told "let's just wait" over and over by the doctor.  No thank you.  We didn't wait.  Turns out we had good reason and we were right.
* Both of our cars decided to become "sick" in the course of two days
* We paid the dentist enough to cover his building rent for a month or two...at least.
* Brayden learned all of his colors and shapes :-D.  Proud mama.
* I had to say goodbye to my amazing aunt as she moved to Germany to minster there.
* I also said a mournful goodbye to being able to have anymore children.  I cherish my beautiful son as he is a miracle in more ways than one, and I rejoice as we open our hearts to future adopted baby.
* Jon decided to learn Karate!  Exciting, huh? :-D
* We changed to mostly "real" and organic foods.  Who is rolling their eyes and saying "Oh geez" to this one? I know at least one of you are!  Thank's OK.  You're allowed.
* I changed jobs...

I supposed I could go on and on, but I think I might lose some of my readers to boredom.  I have a feeling that 2012 is not going to be any slower or less chaotic.  I'm learning to tackle it all one day at a time.  Breathe, pray, breathe...and do it all over again.

Finally Getting Somewhere

Well, two bits of good news!  First, and the most exciting (at least to ME) is that the adoption agency contacted us and we are having a phone interview next week!  One step closer to getting approved and on their waiting list!  I love when I get contacted about little things like this that I didn't know where part of the process.  It makes me feel like I'm DOING something.  After a while of just sitting and waiting you start to become frustrated.  I've been sitting here wondering when someone would contact me about approval, but I wasn't expecting it for a while since their website says approval can take a few months after they receive our packet.  I'm still not sure if we'll be approved soon after this phone interview or not, but hey, at least it's something!

Second, and a big blessing...I start a new job in November!  It was tough decision because I love all the people I work with right now, but, sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith.  Definitely praying that this step will help us breathe a little easier and save the rest of the money we need for this adoption.  When we think there is no hope and that things won't get better, God likes to prove us wrong...

Ugh

Yup.  That about describes the past few weeks.  I've been avoiding writing a post because there hasn't been much "positive" to report on.  Financially and emotionally it's been one blow after the next.  You'd think I'd be getting used to this by now, because that seems to be the theme lately.  I won't get into it all (because really, who cares about every single one of my financial woes?  I'll spare you the details...you can thank me later :) ), but lets just say things have been topped off this week with both of our cars ending up in the shop in the course of 3 days.

As I sat in the parking lot today after about 10 minutes of trying to start my car, I closed my eyes and was like, "Really, Lord?  Seriously?  More?  Now".  We all go through our ups and downs with how positive we allow ourselves to stay.  A few months ago I would say I was having a great attitude, even when the day brought me frustration and a new battle to persevere through.  Today, not so much.  Today my attitude stunk like Gorgonzola cheese left of the kitchen counter for a week.

That's all folks.  Today, rotten cheese.

Tomorrow...praying for cheese cake.

2 Years Ago....

In two days, September 27th, our precious 3 pound, 9 ounce angel was being born.  I was thinking back on it this morning and started to tear up remembering how hard of a time that was for us.  I remember 6am that morning the doctors walking into my hospital room and telling me they needed to deliver the baby that day...and I lay there thinking, "It's too early.  I'm only 31 weeks pregnant!"  It all happened so fast that I never really had time to process it all.  It never really hit me how sick I was...until after.  I wasn't mentally prepared, but I think that was God's way of protecting me from a meltdown.  If I really thought about it and had the time to sit and realize what was happening and how in danger both of us were, I would have lost it.

About 24 hours after Brayden had been born, I was finally able to go see him.  Prior to that I was too sick.  When they wheeled me up to the NICU, this is how I first saw my sweet baby.

The next day he was started on his jaundice treatment.  He looked so frail and tiny.

We eventually got to hold him a day or two later...

...and we were so in love.

I often felt like I was going to break him when I was holding him...

...because he was just so small...

...but amazingly beautiful.

Now we marvel at how grown he is.  We are so amazingly blessed and privileged to be his parents.  It was all worth it.  Every minute of it.  Happy birthday Brayden.  We love you.

The Waiting Begins

Our entire pack of papers was sent out to the agency on Saturday! SO unbelievable happy that it is over and done with!  I will not sugar coat it and say that it was easy work.  It was very time consuming (about 6 months!), and yes, a pain in the rear :)...but SO worth it!  I take comfort in the joy that we have now done all we can do.  From here on in it is in the Lord's hands.  Not that it wasn't before too, but there was a lot in MY hands.   There is officially nothing left that Jon or I can do except pray that God places our profile book in the hands of the right birth mother.

Nothing about adoption is easy.  I got a phone call from my mom a few days ago about the birth mom that almost picked us a few weeks ago right before my surgery.  Jon and I were so upset about how much we ran around, trying to make things work on such short notice (because she led us to believe she really wanted to chose us), only to have her chose another family 2 days later.  That was probably one of the craziest weeks of my life.  Well, we found out that she had the baby.  The adoptive family that she chose was at the hospital for the birth...and when she gave birth and saw the baby, she decided to keep him.  There are so many ways to look at this.  Most of you probably look at that mom with anger thinking of how selfish that was, but can you imagine giving your child away under any circumstances?  I know I most certainly could not.  As much as us adoptive parents want a child, isn't it truly the best if a child can stay with their biological parents, as long as it is a safe situation? Yes.  Absolutely.  I grieve for the adoptive family that walked away without a son.  I grieved for us when we thought we were going to have another little boy to love and lost him just as they did.  But, that mamma loved that precious baby boy.  HER boy.

So we continue to wait.  Patiently.  Well, as patiently as we can.

Almost There!

Got a bright orange package in the mail yesterday!  Yup, my family profile books arrived!  Today I faxed over our final clearances to the home study social worker, which means, by the end of the week our whole packet will be out to the adoption agency! SOOO super excited!  Can you tell by my extreme over use of exclamation points???!!!!! :-).  Yippee!  The hard work part is almost over!!!!'

....soon on to the waiting...and waiting...

To Send or Not to Send

I finally finished our family profile tonight.  I thought the day would never come.  Really.  I did.  And now that I'm done, I just can't get myself to click the order button to get it printed.  I keep re-reading it and going back through it.  Then I go on-line and look at other families' profiles that are currently active waiting families with other agencies and I start to second guess myself again.  I hate this horrible feeling of inadequacy that you feel while going through this adoption process.  Constantly comparing yourself to the next family.  Always wondering if someone will look at your profile and for some reason pick you over everyone else.  That's why I just can't print it yet.  I keep thinking that I'll get some major revelation of how to make it 100 times better so we stand out.  It's a silly thing.  I know.  But very real among those of us adopting domestically awaiting an infant from a birth mom.  Most people don't have to be "picked" in order to become a parent.  They just get blessed with the ability to carry a child...and the child doesn't have to pick you.  Then there is this side...someone has to see us as suitable.  And if no one does?  Well, then we go in the pile with the rest of the families that haven't been blessed with being picked.  I feel for those who are still waiting.  My heart goes to them in a way I can't quite describe.  No one should have to feel that way.

New Deadline

Wow, I've really been slacking on this blog lately.  I keep telling myself I need to be better with it, then 4 days later I have to tell myself the same thing again.  This past week I have been spending all my spare time trying to get our adoptive family profile scrapbook done.  Whenever I'm not at work, taking care of Brayden, or eating a meal I seem to be sitting here on the computer working away at it.  I actually didn't start off doing it digitally.  This, I believe, was mistake #1.  I thought that by doing it the old fashioned "cut and paste" way I would be showing off my amazing scrapbooking skills and show to the birth moms how creative I was and how much time I invested in it.  Well, the problem with this philosophy and, hence, mistake #2, is that I DON'T have amazing scrapbooking skills and I'm NOT super creative!  Yup, that puts a damper on things.  I spent weeks printing out pictures, buying paper, and laying it all out.  I completed 4 pages, and then...I threw them in the trash can.  Yup...I had a major meltdown, yelled that I couldn't do this...then, right in the stinky trash can they went.  So now this past week was spent with my butt glued to the chair in front of the computer trying to get this done as fast as possible.  My time frame for getting our packet out to the agency keeps getting pushed back and I really don't want to push it back anymore.  My hope is that by December we will be on the active waiting families list with the agency.  Praying for a fast turn around once our packet gets there!

Update...

Finally feeling better!  Up until a day or two ago I was getting nervous that I wasn't going to feel well enough to go back to work.  I had horrible cramps that went all the way up to my shoulders and couldn't really eat a lot of food.  SO thankful that I'm feeling better.  I still get tired toward the middle of the day/afternoon and I have to watch what I eat, but in general, it's truly a miracle that I feel as well as I do.  Thankful for all the prayers!  The most frustrating part of all of this is feel utterly useless.  I'm not allowed to lift more than 10 pounds for at least 4 weeks, and that means I can't pick up Brayden.  I can't put him in and out of the bath tub, I can't get him in his highchair, I can't put him in or take him out of his crib...ugh.

We're past the failed adoption...we've dealt with it and we're OK.  I just stinks.  Not really a great description of what's been going on in our heads, but I don't really know how else to describe it.  We're now back on track with our adoption packet to send out to the agency, though.  The thing holding me up is doing our family profile booklet.  I do NOT scrapbook quickly...ask Jon :).  And this is basically a scrapbook of the family.  I need to get moving on it big time!

I start back to work tomorrow.  I'm doing half days for the rest of this week.  Praying I hold up!

This is probably not the best time for me to be writing a post, but here I go.  It's 9pm, I'm sitting on my couch in pain from this surgery, and I received a message earlier that the adoption is definitely not going through.  Where do I begin?  I'm more than slightly overwhelmed at the moment and feel a large meltdown coming at some point.  I'm trying to hold it together but my emotions are getting the better of me.

Tomorrow is a new day...I have to remember that.  

WHAT A WEEK

I'm not even sure how to explain this past week.  What I can say, is that my blood pressure is probably about 50 points higher.  I will attempt to make this brief:

We had a last-minute adoption opportunity come up on Monday.  The birth mother was due in a little over 2 weeks!  I spent 4 days calling adoption attorneys and adoption agencies trying to get information about how this adoption would be able to occur with us so quickly.  We didn't have our home study completed and half our paperwork was not done.  I was scrambling all week, and then Friday night it all fell through.  It slipped out as fast as it slipped in.

Then, today, it all seemed like there was hope again.  We received a phone call that changed things again.  Now I'm sitting here having no clue what is going on.  It's a 50/50 right now.

I  always wondered how situations like this popped up for other people, and now I've been sitting here amazed that I'm the one in these shoes.  What I do know is that God has this under control.  I've come to genuinely care about this birth mother and baby and if this situation doesn't work out for us, we just pray it's the best for the two of them.  Am I stressed?  Yup.  Will I be sad?  Absolutely.  But it's OK.  

Trying to keep my head up in tough times right now.  It's been a discouraging couple of weeks with quite a few meltdowns on my part.  Luck for me, I have an amazing husband who doesn't melt down like I do and is fantastic at staying calm.  I need calmness in my life...I think I'll keep him around :)

Is it bad that I'm almost looking forward to my surgery next week just so that I have a few days of being unconscious so I can relax and get away from life?  OK, that's slightly an exaggeration...but not totally :).   I can say that I'm pretty nervous though.  I'm supposed to be taking 3-4 weeks off of work and I'm only taking one due to money...eek!  PRAYING for a fast recovery, both physically and mentally.

We are still waiting on some paperwork to come back to complete our home study packet.  Jon got his FBI fingerprinting back at the beginning of this week, but I haven't.  Did I do something I didn't realize?  Maybe I robbed a bank while sleepwalking or something?

Chugging along...

Fun with Family

Had a great time this past weekend spending time with family.  Brayden had some time with his cousins, who he doesn't get to see as often as we'd like.  He seems to love hanging out with kids about 3-6 years old.  He just ran in circles around the kitchen island being chased by them...screaming with joy!  I can't say that it was a QUIET weekend, but we're still looking forward to adding another child to the mix of craziness!  

Reasons why I am blessed:

1.  I have an amazing husband who has stuck by me through the hardest of times.  He is the best father a child could ask for and he treats me better than I deserve.

2.  My son...enough said.  He fills me with more joy than I thought I could know.

3.  My home.  Sure, it's nothing special, but it's clean, warm in the winter, cool in the summer, and simply...it's home.

4.  I have a job that pays the bills (most of the time haha!)

5.  My family in large.  From my parents to my sister to my in-laws, I could not have better.  They are some of my best friends and I can't imagine life without them.

6.  My country.  I'm free.

7.  My friends.   I have met some incredible people over the years.  Some in passing, some long-time friends. They have all taught me something and helped mold who I am.

Other things that bring me joy:

the smell of fresh air

the beauty of the mountains

taking pictures

listening to my son laugh

reading books

listening to the ocean

eating ice cream and cake :)

the colors of fall

traveling

fresh vegetables!

I have to remind myself to look at life through the eyes of a child sometimes.  They are so carefree and just enjoy what is put in front of them.  I see it everyday in Brayden.

Baby Bug!!

In my new-found photography obsession, I've started to look a lot at newborn photo shoots to get some ideas and learn positioning, lighting, etc...  I'm thinking that I need to stop.  The baby bug is kicking in pretty bad!  Every time I look at them I just want to grab one and squeeze it.  OK, well, not SQUEEZE, but I think you get what I mean :).  We are in such a lull with the adoption paperwork right now that my enthusiasm is dwindling and I'm getting antsy.  Jon continues to work on his autobiography, we need two papers notarized, and we need our FBI clearances...then we can finally send our home study packet in.

In the meantime, my surgery is scheduled for the middle of august and we're trying to come up with some new fund-raising ideas for the adoption.  I'm pretty stressed with now having the cost of surgery co-pays and deductibles on top of everything else, but,  I'm trying to remember that God has it all under control.  Such a hard concept to grasp at times.

My pushing is starting to pay off for Brayden and the Early Intervention team leader decided (after our long conversation on the phone today) to move up his 6 month review and get the whole team together in one room to discuss what may need to be changed.  We also got our referral paperwork in the mail for the developmental pediatrician consult.  Yet another 10-page packet of paperwork to fill out!  I should take out stock in an ink company.

Long Time no Post

I realize it's been quite some time since I've been around here!  Phewww...what a week!  At the beginning of July I looked at my calendar and it had about 3 things on it for the entire month.  If you were to come and look at it today you would see black marker everywhere!  It's filled with Dr's appointments, Brayden's therapy schedule, time with friends, my Tastefully Simple party, adoption meetings...I'm tired!

My Tastefully Simple fund raiser went very well!  Between online orders and my home party, it looks like we will have raised over $200 towards our adoption!  Thank you Kara for your big heart and generosity.  Friday night was a lot of fun and filled with tons of yummy food :).  Every day we get closer to our goal and it's so exciting!

I also had a great time on Saturday doing my first photo shoot for some friends of ours!  I had a blast and realized how much I love photography.  I'm lucky to have some fantastic people teaching me and hope I can continue taking pictures for others to enjoy.

Well, it's currently 10:00pm and I've been getting to bed WAY too late this past week.  So, I'm off to go sleep.  Think time it won't be another week until I check in here :).

Success!

Last night was my Tastefully Simple party, donated by my WONDERFUL  friend, Kara, to support our adoption.  It was such great fun!  We had neighbors, friends from church, and friends of friends there.  Between online orders and our home party, things were really a success.  We are truly blessed to have such wonderful friends and family to support us.  Every day we get closer and closer to our goal and it just gets even more exciting :).  Looking forward to the day we can post pictures of our new little bundle of joy!

Mom on a Mission

Sometimes going through adoption takes over you life.  It did for Jon and me for a little while...every night sitting and filling out paperwork, sending for background checks and writing papers that tell perfect strangers every detail of your personal life since you were 5.  Luckily we are getting towards the end!  We still have a few things left to do before sending in our packet to our home study social worker, but we're getting there!

The past few days have been more focused on Brayden, though.  I'm currently a mommy on a mission....big time.  The doctors ignored me 5 months ago (every every visit before that) when I was worried about his delayed development (especially since he was so premature), so I had to take it upon myself to get therapy in to see him...without the support of the doctor.  When early intervention came in to evaluate him, it proved I was right.  They very much agreed with me.  Now, 5 months later, he has PT, OT and ST and I'm once again fighting with the doctor.  

Brayden's occupational and speech therapists have been fantastic.  So good with him and very, very  supportive.  Unfortunately, his speech has not improved and his sensory processing issues have been bad the past week and a half so I decided it's time for me to call and make an appointment with a developmental pediatrician...except...I find out I need a referral.  Great.  So, once again Jon finds himself at the doctor with Brayden today, and what does she say?  She thinks it's all behavioral, aka...she thinks there is nothing wrong with him.  Of course.  She seems to be the only person who thinks that.  The only good thing we got out of that appointment was that she did give us the referral to the devel. ped. (likely just to appease us)...which has a 4-6 month waiting list.  So here we are again...waiting.  

In the meantime, I'm a mom on a mission to find out what is going on with her child.  And  I will fight....because he is worth it.  He deserves for someone to pay attention to what is going on.  He is just the best little boy and we couldn't ask for more.  

He fills our hearts with such joy...we owe it to him.  

Hiking

Prior to having Brayden, one of Jon and my favorite things to do was to go hiking.  As you can imagine, that hasn't occurred quite so frequently since then!  Today we were finally able to go again.  Those who know me well likely wonder why I love to hike so much when I HATE bugs and dirt.  Let's just say, I won't go "camping" unless it involves a camper, running water and electricity :), but hiking, that is my peace.  There is something about the smell of the air, the feel of the breeze on your skin, the colors surrounding you, and the way sunlight shines coming through the trees or reflecting off the water.  I feel like nothing else exists.  No sounds of cars or people.  No phones ringing or electrical appliances buzzing.  No one is telling you a deadline is due.  Time sort of stops and your blood pressure drops about 20 points.

Brayden ran some if it, but most of the time we had to carry him because the terrain was sort of rough and there was quite a bit of poison ivy around! (Although I had no clue what it looked like...Jon had to point it ALL out to me...see?  I wouldn't do good camping!).  What a great day it was!

Healing through tears

Things lately have gotten a little overwhelming.  We've been dealing really well with the normal stresses of adoption plus an almost two year old entering his terrible two's and my husband being in school full-time plus trying to do side jobs for extra income...but things seem to hit all at once, don't they?  First I found out I need surgery, then I found out I might need to look for a  new job, and then my husband found out about some additional problems he's facing.  I was proud of myself the past few days for being so calm and fairly upbeat...then I listened to this song tonight and sort of lost it:  

I really needed to hear this song.  I think I'll need to continuously listen to it over the next few weeks...or months...as we continue to try and raise money for the adoption, as I decide if a new job is needed, as I make a decision on if I should go through with surgery or not, and as Jon deals with healing himself.  Life has hit us hard right now.  But I know my problems are nothing compared to those of others.  I need see the blessings in the raindrops.

Reminder

Just wanted to put out a quick reminder for those of you who were planning on helping us fund the adoption by placing a TASTEFULLY SIMPLE order online!  My house party in July 8th, but for those who live too far away or can't make it, my friend Kara (TS consultant who is donating ALL HER PROFITS from the party!!) made it easy to order online!  Her website address is:

 www.tastefullysimple.com/web/kcoleman1 

and when you go to check out just sign in under my name as the "host".  Thank you so much!!!  If you have further questions please feel free to email me! 

Working on our family profile...

and I think it's what is going to be the death of me!  I bet some of you are saying, "Good grief!  What's the big deal?".  Yeah, I know.  But I feel like it's the biggest deal ever.  Ha I sound like an 8th grader talking about what to wear to school.  The fact is, I'm nervous that if I don't make it look and sound good enough that we will never get picked by a birth mom.

Typing that and then reading it back makes me feel a little dumb...

I'm sitting here trying to write some amazingly worded novel and pick out the best pictures to "showcase" our family...getting mad at myself for not being a better photographer and writer.  What is wrong with me?  I just sat in this same room talking with my aunt not more than 4 hours ago about how God has it all under control and He amazes us with His miraculous plans, and now I'm stressing out over how my smile is crooked in a picture.

OK Amanda, just finish it, press the print button, and be done with it.  Yup, that's what I need to do.

Is it what I'm GOING to do? Honestly, probably not.

Sharing the Crazy Life

It's amazing how many people I have come across lately that are also going through either the adoption process or becoming a foster parent.  Maybe it's that I just never paid attention before?  Was I walking through life with my eyes closed?  Very possible.  Very likely.  I've spent a large portion of my life with my eyes closed to most things...politics, finances, the difficulties of motherhood, poverty around the world, the orphan crisis.  All such heavy subjects, but I ignored even the basics.  I've been too indifferent.

I can't be indifferent anymore!  God can yell in your ear for quite some time, but at some point you just can't keep ignoring it without going nuts.  Well,  here I am.  My "indifference meter" has surged past the critical mark and now I'm trying to make up for lost time.  Sheesh...what a whirlwind.

So help me, OK?  Help me educate others on this crazy life called orphan care and adoption.  Most people admit they have no idea what is involved, what the costs are, what children need homes, where the children are from, how difficult the process is, how in NEED of families the world is.  I was one of those who had no idea.  I had SOME idea, just not enough.  I now want to be part of getting others as excited for adoption and foster care as I am.

Here is how you can help!
1.  Send this blog on to others!  Email it, post it to your FB, tweet it...whatever!
2.  Give my email to someone who may be battling with the fears or frustrations of adoption...or, someone who is interested but confused?
3.  Feel free to post comments with questions that everyone could benefit from!
4.  Help your church get excited about orphan care...it is vital.
OR...let me know what I can do for you!

Adoption Tab

I just updated the adoption tab for anyone that is looking for resources on adoption.  I hope this can be helpful for those needing more information.  I plan to keep updating it on a continual basis, so check back for more!

Back to the Daily Grind

We're back from Charleston!  It was a great 9 days that were very much needed.  We were able to relax and have some fun - away from work and the stresses of life.  Unfortunately, I brought our adoption paperwork with us and did NONE of it!  

So now I'm behind...very behind.  So much to do!  The most time consuming is going to be finishing our family profile and writing our autobiographies.  I also need to get our child abuse clearances sent out and our medical evals are this coming week.  I'm still aiming to have all the paperwork done by the end of June!

Brayden was a real trooper this week.  He was up earlier than usual, to sleep later than usual, and in the car a LOT.  Poor little guy is exhausted, but, we think he had a good time!  One of the things he has a difficult time with (due to his sensory processing disorder) is transitioning...so, bringing him to a new place with a new room, new people, and completely different schedule...well, not the easiest thing for him!  It only took two days to get him in the ocean though, so that wasn't bad!  By mid-week he became scared of showers and baths though.  Not quite sure where that came from.  He also freaks out now when we bring him into a bedroom...any bedroom...and changing his diaper had become a circus act.  Hopefully the transition back home will be quick and easy.

Updated Tabs

Photography link has been updated!  Still working out some glitches, but it's getting there!  Click on the tab above and there will be a link to my "flickr" account.  Let me know what you think!

"Under Construction"

For those of you curious about my new "tabs" for adoption and photography, I'm hoping to get them up and running soon.  I'm working on setting up a Flickr account right now, and once it's up and running I'll be adding a link so you're able to view some of my favorite photos I've taken.  The adoption tab will hold links and information for those who are interested in adoption or simply looking for more information about it.  I'll let you all know when I've made some progress! (SOON!)

Busy Week

Sorry I have been absent for so long!  It's been quite the busy week around here.  We are currently on vacation! (A VERY much needed one!)  We had to go south to attend a wedding of a relative so we turned it into a  "vacation" and we are staying in a townhouse with some relatives down south.  I spent most of the week trying to get things organized and packed, which took up all of my evenings after work.  All of Thursday was then spent in the car.  We left at 8am and didn't get to our destination until 11:15pm (after a short break to visit some more relatives that we never get to see...which was a great time!).  So now we are finally HERE:

Beautiful, isn't it?  I enjoyed some time tonight just walking around taking some pics.  My laptop can't quite edit pictures as well as my desktop at home, but you get the idea :).  Excited to go to the beach tomorrow!!

Saturday's Market

So this weekend was pretty successful.  Jon took all of our "unwanted" stuff over to the Saturday's Market (local flee market) yesterday and today and we got about $280 for it all!  Not bad considering what we were selling :).    We are $280 closer!

Needs and Wants

I have a long list of things that I've learned since starting this adoption process.  I'd like to think it's really changing me for the better (which was needed!).  One thing has really stood out in my mind.  How many times have I heard myself say that I really NEED something?  Likely, I've said it on a daily basis...and probably multiple times a day at certain points in time.  How much of it do I actually NEED?  Not much of it.

It's amazing how our culture has grown to believe we are entitled to things...like cable TV and internet and cell phones.  We've been sucked into the thought process of "got-to-have".  In the process of trying to save for this adoption we have repeatedly gone through our monthly bills to find where we can cut back.  At first I thought it wasn't possible.  I even made us take a full month and write down every single thing we spent money on to see where it went to.  It was amazing! Some things were quite obviously unavoidable, but we sure found that we really wasted away quite a bit...silly things like coffee from the local Sheetz, grabbing Taco Bell when we didn't feel like grocery shopping, or grabbing something random from K-Mart.  We don't need those things.  They are just convenient.

I've started to avoid going to the mall these days simply because I get dragged in by all the STUFF.  I see it, then I want it and convince myself I NEED it.  Yes, my clothes are getting slightly run down.  Yes, they don't all fit me since having Brayden.  Yes, I might look "better" to those who see me if I get the new style out.  No, I don't need it.

Other things I've caught myself saying:
*I need a new house because mine is too small.  (No, I have a roof over my head with air conditioning and heat!  It may be cluttered because of Brayden's stuff, but so what?)
*We have no food in this house. (Yes we DO.  It just might not be what I want at that moment in time.)
*We need chairs for our back porch. (Really, Amanda?)
I could go on and on....

Do I sound nuts?  Probably to some of you.  I've just seen and heard too many stories from the TRULY poor.  Those in third world countries that have nothing.  They don't complain.  They give freely to others even the minimal that they have.  They help each other on a daily basis.  They appreciate the small things.  They open their house to strangers and feed them when they don't have much to give.  We can all learn from the poor.  I think of the children in orphanages who sit on their beds and do nothing...have nothing.  What gives me the right to complain?  I'm blessed beyond measure.  I've been provided all I need.

In the times we really do NEED, (like coming up for the money for this adoption!) God has provided. We have been blown away by how He is making this possible.  We doubted, and we are being proven wrong on a daily basis.  I love that I'm wrong :).

More Fundraising!

Just dying to know how you can help us? Read your mind, huh?  I knew it! :) We still have quite a bit of money left to raise, so here are two more fundraisers we are working on:

#1...For all you locals, Jon will be at the Saturday's Market in E-town THIS Saturday with a table set up selling our fantastic "junk".  Everything from a flat-screen computer monitor to a chicken rotisserie :) will be on our table! Come on out and take a look!

#2...My friend Kara, who is a "Tastefully Simple" consultant, has so GENEROUSLY offered to donate ALL OF HER EARNINGS from a TS party that I host!  For those of you who live way too far away from me to come to this, but still want to help, have no fear!  You can order on-line!  She will soon be getting me the website address where you can just log on and order yummy food from her and the profits will go to our adoption.  Kara, you are fantastic!  Stay tuned, or email me directly for more information!

Here are a few of my practice pictures like I promised.  I'm really enjoying it!  Can't wait for vacation next week so I'll have a good 9 days to just shoot away!

                                         

HOME STUDY: Part 1

Tonight we had our first meeting with the agency that will be doing our home study....and....it went WELL!  Why the worry?  This is likely to be my constant battle, over and over, throughout this process.  Where does worry get except at the drug store buying Tums?  Our social worker is fantastic.  Period.  That was my biggest fear...that we would get a tyrant that only cared how much money we had in the bank and how politically correct our answers were.   She was actually the exact opposite, so all I can say is thank you Lord!  We only have to do one more meeting with her and that will be at our home walk-through.

The negatives? (Doesn't there always have to be one...or two?).  We now have a new heaping pile of paperwork to do on top of the ones we already have for the other agency.  EEK.  Two?  We are $1750 poorer.  Oh well, what is a few more PB&J sandwiches for dinner going to hurt, right?  Beans and rice?  Blue box mac and cheese?

PHOTOGRAPHY

As some of you know, I'm really starting to get into photography.  What a great way it is to capture your life!  As we entered the world of parenthood I decided to commit myself to documenting their lives on camera.  I love the pops of color in a garden, reflections of light in the eyes of a child, and they way a picture can tell a story without needing words.  Up until recently I was a "point and shooter" and crossed my fingers that something came out half decent. I've just started to experiment around with my "manual mode" (ooooo scary!) over the past few months and found it both frustrating and rewarding.  Sometimes I'll download my pics up onto my computer to edit them and go, "wow, how did I manage to get that awesome shot?", and then other days I'll sit in annoyance and want to throw my camera out the window.  Unfortunately, my only subject right now is a 20-month old little speedster who takes off down the backyard in 1/2 a second after he's placed his feet on the back porch.  Half of my shots are of his diapered rear-end!  If I attempt his pictures indoors he looks at me and runs towards the camera to place his face directly against the lens!  Hmm, predicament.  

So, I've resorted to practicing my skills with non-moving objects :).  I'm hoping to post some pics up soon of our trip to Longwood Gardens this past weekend.  For those of you who hate pictures of still-life, sorry for the snoozer!  Hopefully I'll get some opportunity soon to practice on  MOVING objects too.  As you follow along on our adoption journey I'm also looking forward to sharing my growth as a photographer (I use that term VERY loosely!).  

For any of you out there that actually are photographers, I'm taking tips and suggestions, critiques and expertise!  Feel free to share your knowledge and experience...not only would I love to hear it, but I'd be super appreciative! 

Peacefulness

 I just LOVE the beauty of nature (hate the bugs though!). There is something about being outside surrounded by the forest and flowers that calms me. It's truly my favorite place to be and just sends me to a whole different word. I haven't gotten enough of that lately, that's why I'm so excited that Jon and I are going to Longwood Gardens tomorrow for our anniversary get-away-day...wine and jazz festival surrounded by the gardens.  What could be better!? We SOO need it! Life has become nuts between his school-work, me working, and our trying to get this adoption stuff going (not to mention Brayden giving us 3 straight nights of tortuous sleeping/lack-there-of!).

Our backyard is sure nothing to speak of, but I just loved these shots I took the other day of our "garden".  Can't wait to share some pics of Longwood with you!

                              SUGAR SNAP PEAS!! (can't wait to eat these!)

                                                            BASIL

                                              LOVE OUR ROSE BUSHES!

                                     FUN NEW FLOWERS WE JUST PLANTED

                                 DON'T KNOW WHAT THESE ARE CALLED :)